Vengeance Is Mine: A poem by Shel Silverstein

They were Raisin' hell all over Earth
When the noise got so damn loud
That it reached upto heaven and woke up God
Who was sleepin' on a king sized cloud.

He says, "How they expect a body to rest
When they raisin hell at three in the morn?
Damn, I'm gonna kill them all,
Teach 'em a lesson-
Hey, Gabriel, blow your horn."

Gabriel grins and fingers his valves.
He says, "Ooh, I'm gonna play some ****.
I been waitin' so long, I got so many songs
But the music has got to fit.

"So tell me, how you gonna do it, big G,
With fire or with Flood?
You gonna plague 'em with a pestilence,
Or, cover 'em over with mud?

"You gonna hit 'em with a thunderbolt?
Or maybe turn off the sun?
Or just reach down a big old thumb
And crush 'em, one by one?"

And God says, "Gabriel, y'know, now I see
Just why you stayed so small.
Why wreak my vengeance in just one way,
When I can wreak 'em all?

"So first I'm gonna hang 'em
And watch 'em squirm awhile
But I think I'll do it with neckties
So they can choke in style.

"Then while they're hangin', I'll come with some fire
And fill their lungs with smoke.
But I'll let 'em do it with cigarettes,
And if that don't mak 'em croak,

"There's poisons that I'll feed 'em
In their daily bread each day.
And they'll gulp the preservatives
and eat the dyes
And lick away the pesticide spray.

"Then I'll destroy their mortal souls
And like the serpents they're gonna crawl
for the puff of grass of a line of coke
Or a sip of Alcohol.

"And I'll bend their backs and break their minds
By givin' 'em prizes to chase
And they'll sweat and they'll be
Strainin' for that golden ring
And they'll die while runnin' the race.

"And the thought of bein' fat or old
Is gonna scare 'em right out of their wits.
And if there's any left-well, they'll
Munch each other Or blow each other to bits.

"Anyway, they've sown their poison seeds
And this is the crop they're gonna reap"
And Gabriel put away his horn
And god went back to sleep.